Cat Wars: “The Battle of the Milky Way”

 

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In a feline domain far, far away, two rival cats are up to their old tricks.

Jedi Yarny is strutting down the aisle of the mother ship (a.k.a., the living room) when a ball of yarn rolls past him.

“The Force has awakened my favorite knot of red string,” says he with widened eyes. “Maybe I should play with it?”

Jedi Yarny pounces on the ball, and as he wrestles with the string, he hears a loud, “BEEP – BEEP – BEEP …”

“Oh, no, it’s a bomb!” he meows.

“No, sir,” says a Storm Trooper mouse appearing from its hideout behind Mother Snoke’s throne (a.k.a., the couch). “It’s just the tea kettle sounding off. Your milk is ready.”

“Of course,” says Jedi Yarny. He tosses the ball of yarn aside and prances out of the living room with a raised tail.

Inside the kitchen, a bowl of warm milk awaits the Jedi knight kitty along with his nemesis, Sith Purr.

“I hope you enjoy this concoction I asked Mother Snoke to prepare for you,” says Sith Purr with a smirk.

“Hmmmm … looks tasty,” says Jedi Yarny. “How gracious of you — a rare treat.”

“Indeed, Jedi.”

Sith Yarny sips the milk and is quickly overcome with gas.

“What’s this?!” he howls.

“Just some whole milk to throw off your bowels,” says Sith Purr. “Ha, ha, ha! Haven’t you heard? Jedi cats should only drink skim milk.”

“How dare you betray my butt!” hisses Jedi Yarny as he farts his way to the lavatory (a.k.a., litter box). “This Force never ends … ahhh … diarrhea!”

*

A few days later …

Jedi Yarny watches his plan unfold from the rebel’s outpost (a.k.a., the love seat). Sith Purr naps by his side.

Through the window, Jedi Yarny sees the deliveryman arrive.

“Just in time,” says the feline.

Jedi Yarny watches Mother Snoke unpack a scratching post. When she is finished, she returns to her master’s chamber.

Jedi Yarny fumbles through the closet. He adds a secret surprise to his rival’s present.

“Rise and shine, my Sith overlord,” says Jedi Yarny as his nemesis awakens. “The Force bears you a gift.”

“A scratching post, yippie!” says his lordship, tackling the furniture piece. As he tumbles on top, a light dusting of itching powder rises into the air, smothering the Sith kitty.

“Wait … what’s this?!” his lordship yowls, scratching himself silly.

“A little something to remind you who loves you, my friend,” says Jedi Yarny with a grin. “Now, we’re even.”

“More like even … for now!” Sith Purr hisses as he retreats into Mother Snoke’s chamber.

*

Stay tuned for the next episode of Cat Wars, featuring Luke Mousey and Darth Feline in “The Battle of the Cheese.”