Cat Wars: “The Battle of the Milky Way”

 

Cat Wars pic 1

In a feline domain far, far away, two rival cats are up to their old tricks.

Jedi Yarny is strutting down the aisle of the mother ship (a.k.a., the living room) when a ball of yarn rolls past him.

“The Force has awakened my favorite knot of red string,” says he with widened eyes. “Maybe I should play with it?”

Jedi Yarny pounces on the ball, and as he wrestles with the string, he hears a loud, “BEEP – BEEP – BEEP …”

“Oh, no, it’s a bomb!” he meows.

“No, sir,” says a Storm Trooper mouse appearing from its hideout behind Mother Snoke’s throne (a.k.a., the couch). “It’s just the tea kettle sounding off. Your milk is ready.”

“Of course,” says Jedi Yarny. He tosses the ball of yarn aside and prances out of the living room with a raised tail.

Inside the kitchen, a bowl of warm milk awaits the Jedi knight kitty along with his nemesis, Sith Purr.

“I hope you enjoy this concoction I asked Mother Snoke to prepare for you,” says Sith Purr with a smirk.

“Hmmmm … looks tasty,” says Jedi Yarny. “How gracious of you — a rare treat.”

“Indeed, Jedi.”

Sith Yarny sips the milk and is quickly overcome with gas.

“What’s this?!” he howls.

“Just some whole milk to throw off your bowels,” says Sith Purr. “Ha, ha, ha! Haven’t you heard? Jedi cats should only drink skim milk.”

“How dare you betray my butt!” hisses Jedi Yarny as he farts his way to the lavatory (a.k.a., litter box). “This Force never ends … ahhh … diarrhea!”

*

A few days later …

Jedi Yarny watches his plan unfold from the rebel’s outpost (a.k.a., the love seat). Sith Purr naps by his side.

Through the window, Jedi Yarny sees the deliveryman arrive.

“Just in time,” says the feline.

Jedi Yarny watches Mother Snoke unpack a scratching post. When she is finished, she returns to her master’s chamber.

Jedi Yarny fumbles through the closet. He adds a secret surprise to his rival’s present.

“Rise and shine, my Sith overlord,” says Jedi Yarny as his nemesis awakens. “The Force bears you a gift.”

“A scratching post, yippie!” says his lordship, tackling the furniture piece. As he tumbles on top, a light dusting of itching powder rises into the air, smothering the Sith kitty.

“Wait … what’s this?!” his lordship yowls, scratching himself silly.

“A little something to remind you who loves you, my friend,” says Jedi Yarny with a grin. “Now, we’re even.”

“More like even … for now!” Sith Purr hisses as he retreats into Mother Snoke’s chamber.

*

Stay tuned for the next episode of Cat Wars, featuring Luke Mousey and Darth Feline in “The Battle of the Cheese.”

 

Cinderella Lies

cinderella.jpeg

Imagine a world where princesses aren’t what they seem, and life is far from a fairy tale.

For example, Cinderella. According to the popular legend, she was a victim of abuse by a cruel stepmother and stepsisters, but what if I told you Cinderella wasn’t mistreated by anyone that she herself didn’t mistreat?

What if I told you she never really fell in love with anyone, either, especially a rich charming prince?

The truth is, Cinderella only loved herself.

After her mother died, she gladly stepped into her shoes ordering around the servants.

I was one of them. One day, I dared to ask her for a day off.

“My dear Cinderella, I have toiled away for you as long as I remember, preparing your meals, washing your clothes and tending to your needs, even while neglecting the needs of my own children,” I said while painting her nails in the powder room. “My husband cares for my son and daughter as well as he can, but my darlings are growing up fast, you see, and I miss them so … so might I spend tomorrow with my family, oh pretty pleeeeeeease?”

“And neglect me?” Cinderella said, blowing dry her golden finger nails. “Oh, poor you, how dreary life must be! Torn between your duties as a servant and impulses as a mother. Let me end your suffering quickly …”

“Thank you!” I said, kissing her hand.

“Don’t thank me yet,” she said with a smirk.

At which point Cinderella withdrew a sack of coins from her safe and left by carriage to town. When she returned, she said she had arranged with the local magistrate to have my children thrown into prison.

“Problem solved!” she announced to me in the foyer. “You never have to worry about those meddlesome ankle-biters again! They will have a roof over their heads and food in their bellies, and your husband can live a life of leisure, which I’m sure he deserves, having suffered you and your lot plenty.”

Cinderella chuckled.

“Perhaps now he can marry a woman of standing, like me,” she said, “and you can focus your attention on us.”

“But … but … such a life is not what I struggle for!” I cried. “Such a life isn’t even worth living! How dare you … you … cruel snickerdoodle!”

“How dare you, calling me by my middle name!” Cinderella said, slapping my face. “It’ll be five lashings and a week in the dungeon, miss.”

However, my week in the dungeon was not wasted. I found an old book of spells, and I cast a curse on the horrid princess.

The next time Cinderella saw me, she didn’t recognize me as a poor wretch. Instead, she saw a well-rested woman in the powder room wearing one of her gowns and blowing dry her freshly-painted finger nails.

“Oh, my dear Cinderella, wash the curtains and scrub the floors, and then prepare my dinner, will you?” I said. “I’m off to see the magistrate to take care of some family business.”

Cinderella nodded with vexation.

I removed a sack of coins from the safe and pointed at the other two female servants standing by my side.

“Listen to your stepsisters while I’m gone,” I said. “When I return, I don’t want to hear any nonsense about a rich charming prince coming to save you. You’re going to have to do better than that if you expect to get out of this mess.”

“Like what?” Cinderella said.

“You can start by apologizing for being such a b— you know, a less-than-noble person.”

“Well, I’ve never!” she said, and she stormed off to start doing her chores.

Psychopath Strawberry

Psychopath Strawberry

Mom was a scientist.

One day, she became sick with the flu.

While she was sick with the flu, a fellow scientist, Larry, made a toxic fume. The toxic fume drove Larry and the other scientists in the lab crazy.

So much for trying to cure for cancer … now Larry and his pals wanted to develop new ways of hurting people!

“We’re going to get rich!” Larry said during a conference call with Mom. “Get well and get back to the lab ASAP, so you can help us screw up the world!”

The plan was to sell a batch of ice cream that tasted great but was filled with the toxic fume so it would make everyone who eats it crazy, too.

It was all wrong.

“You’ve got to stop him,” Mom said to me.

She was in bed with a high fever.

“How?” I said.

She coughed up mucous, sneezed, and blew her nose into a tissue.

“Here, take this,” she said, handing me the dirty tissue. “Spread my snot around the lab. Then, steal a sample of the toxic fume. Bring it to me … I’ll take over from there.”

“Okay,” I said, wondering what Mom was thinking.

I put on one of her dress and sunglasses. I fixed up my hair. I tossed on her lab coat and grabbed her badge off the night stand.

I looked myself over in her mirror.

“You’re my spitting image,” Mom said with a snotty laugh. “Good luck, dear.”

*

I ditched my bike outside the lab and flashed my badge at a guy sitting behind the front desk.

“Welcome back, Dolores,” he said with a weird grin. “How are you feeling?”

I read the name on his badge. Larry!

“Better,” I said. “I just need … some coffee … to perk me up!”

“We have a fresh pot brewing in the break room,” he said, pointing. “Grab a cup, then meet me in the lab. I want to tell you about our new line of ice cream. We’re going to call it Psychopath Strawberry!”

“Cool name,” I said. “I’m sure a lot of people will like it.”

“I hope so!” Larry said with his weird grin.

In the break room, I took out the dirty tissue from my pocket. I dripped some of Mom’s snot into the pot of coffee. I also rubbed the dirty tissue along the rims of the clean cups.

I filled one of the cups with coffee and started roaming around the lab with a weird grin on my face like the other mad scientists. Everyone seemed happy to see me.

“Dolores is back!” someone yelled. “Our star has returned! Now we’ll really wreak havoc around the world!”

Finally, I found a sample of the toxic fume. I stuffed it into my lab coat.

It was time to escape from this creepy place.

I turned a corner in the hallway. Larry stood before me.

“Aren’t you forgetting something?” he said with his weird grin.

I had to think fast.

“Yes!” I said, handing him the cup of coffee. “This is for you. I have to go home. Now my daughter has the flu! Good luck selling your insane ice cream. You should add cashews, to make it nuttier.”

“Great idea!” Larry said with a wild laugh. “I love the way you think, Dolores! Maybe you should take a batch of Psychopath Strawberry home to your daughter. It might make her feel better …”

“Another time, maybe,” I said. “Gotta run!”

*

At home, Mom felt better.

“I’m so glad you returned safe,” she said, hugging me. “How’d it go?”

I gave her the sample.

“Perfect,” she said, stuffing it into her purse. “Tomorrow, at work, I know just what to do.”

*

The next day, Mom called me from the lab.

I was in bed sick with the flu.

So were the other scientists. Even Larry was holed up at home with a fever.

“It’s been so peaceful and quiet around here,” Mom said, “plenty of time to figure out a cure for the toxic fume. I poured the cure into the air vents. My fellow scientists will return to work tomorrow and be back to their old selves soon. Psychopath Strawberry will be like a bad dream that never happened.”

“I’m so happy to hear it,” I said from bed. “Are you and the other scientists going to keep trying to cure cancer?”

“Of course, but first I’m coming home, to cure you,” Mom said. “Would you like me to bring some ice cream?”

I laughed.

“Sure,” I said. “Just nothing with strawberries, or nuts.”

“Deal.”

How to Spot a Demon

Demons_LI

Often, when we think of sneaky creatures, witches come to mind. We see them all the time on TV shows and in movies.

They are nasty old ladies who like to cause mischief to children with their spells.

However, people should really be scared of demons. They’re not as popular on TV shows and in movies, but they are actually out there and ready to strike!

Above is a picture with a question: Which one is a demon?

In other words, who’s really dangerous, the one on the left or the one on the right?

The one on the left IS a demon. She looks sweet and innocent when in fact she is vicious and will drown you with sorrows, especially if she casts a spell on you, like she did to the one on the right.

The one on the right looks scary with her red skin and pointy tail, but she’s actually a poor girl trapped in a demon’s body.

If you were fooled, you’re probably not alone. Remember, demons are clever!

Be smart and look for these signs of demons when you’re going about your daily business:

  • Demons disguised as people have black eyes.
  • It’s well known that demons can transform into animals, but they can also turn into plants.
  • If you see a plant with black tar on it, it’s probably a demon.
  • Beware: Demons like to bite!
  • They fight dirty, with their teeth and tails.
  • Demons love the smell of fear.
  • One way to keep demons away is to overcome your worst fear.
  • Most important: Demons hate hugs!

Blackhound: An Origin Story

Blackhound

Life isn’t always cotton candy and rainbows. I have proof. One day while I was walking home a wolf followed, but no ordinary one. It scratched the back of my bedroom door, I opened it, and then it scratched me!

When I was 4, I grew wolf ears. When I was 9, I grew wolf fangs. It didn’t take me long to figure out I was a werewolf. As the rage grew in my veins, I grew stronger.

The next day I put on a hoodie. I went to school and sat in my seat, but behind me was a girl who hates me. In front of the class, she pulled off my hoodie.

The teacher saw my hideous face and called 9-1-1. The cops arrived, saw me, but I guess I they were scared, because the cops called the military.

Eleven Years Later

I am trapped in a military weapon center. My blood is used for missile fuel.

One day, a criminal bombed the center where I am imprisoned in order to take the government’s guns. In the process, he freed me.

I was never heard from again, or so people around the world thought.

Two Years Later

I live under a tree in tunnels that include my big over-sized computer, a kitchen and five rooms.

I was inside a store recently when I saw a bad guy trying to ‘harm,’ a.k.a. kill the checkout clerk. He wanted the store’s money. I camouflaged with the wall. The bad guy shot. I caught the bullet with my teeth, then I tripped him.

When the bad guy was on the ground, he asked, “Who are you?”

I said, “I’m Ms. Black.”

“Well, you’re not much of a miss, and you look more like a hound to me,” he argued, but

I saw fear growing in his veins.

“Then, I guess I’m Blackhound.”

Ever since, I have gained more and more respect from people around the world that I help.

Bad things happened to me, only so better things could happen to everyone.

Lightning Ghost

ghost lightning

Once there were two girls, Rose and Lilly, looking for their mysterious friend, Roelill, who they often encountered as they hiked through the hills behind their backyard.

As they searched high and low on the trail, they encountered Mr. Man, who was walking his dog.

“Have you seen our friend?” said Lilly. “She calls herself Roelill.”

“No, I haven’t, and neither have you,” said Mr. Man. “She is an old relative of mine, and she died a century ago.”

“What?” said Rose. “That’s impossible! We see her up in these hills all the time …”

“I’ll tell you the story,” said Mr. Man.

“Thanks,” said the girls.

“In her time, Roelill was the best hiker around,” said Mr. Man. “She even finished the Appalachian Trail.”

“Wow,” said Lilly.

“A  ghost appeared and gave her the power of lightning,” said Mr. Man. “That way she could always blaze her own trail. But Roelill wasn’t sure how to use such power, so the first time she tried to make lightning strike, she rose her hand in the air … and struck herself.”

“Yikes!” said Rose.

“That’s the legend, anyway,” said Mr. Man. “Somehow, Roelill died. She was my great aunt, and I never had a chance to meet her.”

“Well, we have,” said Lilly. “She’s really nice.”

“I think she’s lonely, too,” said Rose. “She seems to really like our company.”

“She’s a ghost now, hey?” said Mr. Man with a wink. “Be careful.”

He disappeared down the trail with his dog.

The girls continued their hike.

Soon, Roelill appeared before them.

“We’ve been looking for you!” said the girls.

“I’ve been looking for you, too,” said Roelill.

She raised her hand, and Rose and Lilly were struck by lightning.

Their bodies fell to the ground, but their spirits remained standing next to her.

“Who’s next?” said Roelill.

Rose and Lilly glanced at each other.

Roelill pulled out a list.

“Oh, I see,” said Roehill with a grin. “It’s … (YOUR NAME HERE).”

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Dark Place: Monsters vs. People

demon boy

Chapter 1

It’s morning and the sun is up. My sister woke me up. Her name is Rose.

“Wake up, wake up!” she said.

“What time is it?” I said.

“It’s time to go to Disneyland … so what are you waiting for?”

I was dressed in a jiff and the first one downstairs for breakfast. Alone in the kitchen, I saw something grinning at me under the table. It looked like a little boy, but with sharps fangs and bloody red skin. In a flash, this demon’s wings expanded, and he flew through the kitchen and out the door …

It was gone!

I couldn’t scream. I couldn’t move. I was too scared.

I wasn’t sure what to think. For breakfast, we had pancakes with maple syrup.

“Dad, do you ever see … monsters?” I said.

“No, Rebecca. Monster are make-believe.”

“Just like Disneyland?” said Rose.

He laughed.

“Yeah, something like that.”

“I’ve seen monsters,” I said.

“Me, too!” said Rose.

Mom rolled her eyes.

“Sure, girls,” she said with a wink. “We’ll let that one slide.”

Dad started collecting the dishes.

“Now on to my kind of make-believe,” he said, “the happiest place on Earth!”

“Yay!” Rose and I said, and we were off to our adventure.

*

Disneyland was awesome! We went on the new ride, Guardians of the Galaxy, which Mom said was her favorite, and Thunder Mountain Railroad, which Dad said was his.

We went on the Haunted Mansion. Rose and I rode together. It was so much fun, and a little spooky.

Toward the end of the ride, we approached a long mirror. All the other riders had ghosts in their carts, but not ours.

There was a red-skinned demon boy curled up between Rose and me.

“Ahhhh!” we screamed.

So was everyone else riding in their carts, they were having so much fun. No one thought the demon we was real, even when he flew away!

“Mom, Dad, you won’t believe what happened!” Rose and I said as we ran off the ride and into their arms.

After hearing our story, Mom said with a frown, “You’re right, we don’t.”

“But, I have to hand it to you girls,” Dad said, “you have quite the imagination. Who’s hungry?”

Rose and I realized there might be more to our story than our parents were willing to admit.

Trouble might be on the way, but we would have to wait to deal with it another day.

After all, who had time for demon boys at Disneyland?