Ever wonder what cats do when people are asleep or away from home? I know many of the things they do because I’m a cat.

Yeah, that’s right, I can type, too … begwlfhwelijfiekhfahfl!

Right now, I’m sipping my person’s coffee. She’s going to be so mad! Anywho, here’s the story about what I did yesterday.

I got a message from the mail mouse. Mail mice are the only mice we don’t chase … sometimes. All right, I chase them all the time! Well, let’s get back to the story. After he escaped, I read the letter which told me it was my turn to go to the Chatsworth Cat Complaint Office (behind the sushi restaurant down the street). My person left for work, so I dashed out of the cat door and down the road.

I was tired when I finally arrived at the Cat Complaint Office. A cat with white fur and green eyes sat behind a laptop (she probably took it from her owner).

“Any complaints?” she asked.

A cat with a blue collar raised her paw.

“How will we defeat the evil red dot? It zigzags all over the place. It has to be planning something!”

The white cat made a note.

“Any other questions, or complaints?”

A cat stepped forward.

“How will we save the people trapped inside the rectangle box in the living room who are controlled by the stick with buttons?”

I looked around and asked, “Where’s Pepper?”

The white cat sighed.

“She was taken to … the vet.”

A kitten fainted as we all gasped.

The white cat said, “I know, the vets are scary! Sorry, it’s the end of today’s cat complaint session. I’ll share your concerns with Mayor Fluffy Pants.”

I guess I would have to complain about the lack of cat coffee shops in town another time. As I trotted back to the house, some animal rescue people started to chase me. I checked my neck for my collar, but it wasn’t there! Just then, my person drove by without noticing me. I jumped onto the back of the car and waited for it to park. Then, I carefully hopped off and went into the neighbor’s yard. I climbed on the gate, went through the window and landed on the bed, exhausted.

My owner came into the room.

“Were you sleeping here all day, lazy? Don’t worry, I’ll take you out for a walk …”

Nooooo!

Now you know one of the things cats do when people aren’t watching. They complain to Mayor Fluffy Pants.

Sorry to those cats reading this. (Cats can read, too).

I just couldn’t keep the news to myself any longer!

“Who drank my coffee?!”

Got to go, bye!